I’m slowly getting over it.

You might officially be an old person if you can't figure out many of the features on your new smart phone.

rofl :)

Grandma told me that back in her day, they got three times the work done that we do.

I reminded Grandma that back in her day, they had cocaine in their soda.

roflmao :)

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.

Then it's a soap opera.

What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?

They are both Paris sites.

I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes.

Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.

:) lmfao

How to fall down the stairs: Step 1

Step 2 Step 3 Step 4 Step 5,6,7,8,9

BREAKING: Congress was evacuated today after a suspicious package arrived.

It turned out to be a copy of the Constitution of the United states, which none of them had seen before.

lol ARM! :)

What should you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, she's been fucking told twice...