I accidentally played 'dad' instead of 'dead' when the bear attacked. Now the bear can ride a bike without training wheels.

ro0flmao :)

For dinner tonight I'm treating my kids to a Himalayan rabbit stew. I found himalayan on the road.

I haven't tried yoga... but I have tried bending over to pick up my keys, so I'm pretty sure I'd hate yoga.

I have a friend who thinks an innuendo is an Italian suppository.

Apparently the Flat Earth Society has members all across the globe.

The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of coffee. This means that the average human gets 41 miles per gallon.

lolololololo :)

Just got an emotional support animal… it’s a pig. Not the whole pig. OK OK, it’s bacon.

When two Vegans fight, it's not considered a beef... It's considered a beet down.

:) roflmao

The Easter Bunny, an honest lawyer, Santa Claus, and a drunk find a $50 bill together. Can you guess who gets to keep it? Of course it’s the drunk, because the other three don’t exist.

roflmao :) thanks ARM!

What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament? Live stream.

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? A stick.

Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.

Why do chicken coops have two doors? Because if they had four doors, they’d be chicken sedans.

Merry Christmas to All xxxooo

roflmao :)

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? "It's Christmas, Eve!"