I was arguing with a guy at a bar. He said he was a big pop star in the 80s. I didn’t believe him, but he was adamant…

roflmao :)

The surface of the earth is approx 70% water. None of it is carbonated, thus proving the earth is flat.

roflmfao :) esp the shark joke :)

Why did the chicken go to the gym? To work on his pecks.

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark. So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

lmao!

:)

Lmao Goldilocks!

lol and not your belly button Hannah :)

Anything you want, you have buttons. :)

What are we supposed to do here??? :D

roflmao :)

The fact that some people can't distinguish between etymology and entomology bugs me in ways I can't put into words.

The Devil whispered to me, Im coming for you. I whispered back, Bring pizza.

Waiter: here’s your check. How did you find the steak?? Me: very easy. It was right next to the potatoes.

You Tube, Twitter and Facebook are considering merging. Although the new name 'YouTwitFace' hasn't gone down very well.

I opened the medicine cabinet and a bottle of Omega 3 capsules fell on my head. Fortunately my injuries were only super fish oil.

My time machine is the best thing till sliced bread.

I was banned from a karaoke bar for butchering "Danger Zone" one too many times. Yup. They locked me out for multiple insufficient Loggins attempts.